Osiris Wants His Dinner NOW!
by CrystalSubaru
Summary: My history essay for last week. Everyone really liked it O.o And since it's a story, I thought I'd share this parody of Ancient Egypt. Well, not really a parody xD I might add more of my stupid story-like assignments in compilation to this.


Emily Winfield 10/1/08

World History- 8th Grade

**"Anubis! Hurry things up, I want to go and eat my dinner before it freezes over!"** Osiris, the god of the Netherworld, boomed from atop his golden throne, slamming the butt of his pharaoh's staff down onto the smooth bricks that made up the floor of his throne room. Anubis, the jackal-headed god of death and guide of souls, sighed and motioned for the soul he was leading to keep close behind. Osiris had...anger management issues when he was hungry, and the last time Anubis was guiding a spirit, Osiris had accidenlty killed it, thinking it was a cow. **"Don't worry, Your Majesty, this shall be quick and easy."** Anubis was about to place the golden feather on the scales when he noticed that the spirit froze, eyes plastered on the horrific beast that lay curled near the side of the scale where the soul's heart would be placed. Suddenly, it opened one golden, reptilian eye, scales shifting as it awoke and turned to face the soul. The spirit gave a screech, turning the heads of Osiris, Anubis, and bringing Isis, Osiris' wife, out from her kitchen. The crocodile beast, Sebek, simply sat there and blinked, a yawn escaping his jaws as he looked back at his fellow gods. **"New kid?"** Sebek pointed back at the spirit with what would be his thumb on his scaly crocodile foreleg. Isis simply strode back into the kitchen, smirking. "**Yes, and he's holding up my dinner! Isis is a good cook, but food is never good cold when it's meant to be hot!"** Anubis shook his head and rubbed his temples with his index and middle fingers on the right hand, ignoring Osiris as he went off into a rant. For a God of the Underworld, he could be pretty excitable. A low rumble emitted from Sebek's throat, his own version of a sigh in his crocodile form. **C'mon, bud, let's get this over with, before Lord Osiris eats us all for dinner...** The crocodile-god dragged the half-paralyzed soul by the sandal, as Anubis finally placed the golden feather upon his end of the scale. The whole atmosphere of the room seemed to be frozen in time as the gods watched the scale screech and balance itself, eventually stopping at a perfect balance. **You are very fortunate, spirit. You have proven yourself true throughout your mortal life and have gained entry to the Afterlife's paradise...** The look on the soul's face was ecstatic as it began to seperate into small, shining particles, being swept upwards by a holy wind to his reward, the Afterlife. Sebek began sobbing like a child, to the point where he began to hiccup. "**Oh, even after a few thousand years, it still gets me so emotional to seem them go!"** Anubis was about ready to tear out his own brain. The jackal-god was tired and wanted to get to his own sleeping quarters. Sebek was still blubbering in a corner, which seemed to greatly irk Osiris as he glared at the over-emotional god of the Nile. Suddenly, there was great flapping and fluttering sound, and a great, large-winged falcon came rocketing through the passageway, skidding on the ground like a stone skipping on water. The huge bird landed right in front of the throne, his feathers stained with dark dust. It made the powerful god look like a char-broiled vulture. **Yes! I give you thanks, oh might Amon-Ra, for this chicken! **_**NO! I'm not food! It's me, Horus!**_ Osiris bolted from his throne and began chasing the other god, who was hopping away madly due to his falcon form's ill-eqquiped legs. Anubis looked back at Sebek, who was sniffling in the corner. Dear gods, what a shameful crew they were sometimes. Isis peeped her head out from the side of the room she was in, curious about all the racket. She almost fainted when she saw Horus. **By the gods, Osiris, what are you doing to poor Horus!? He's **_**not**_** for dinner!** The goddess grabbed the falcon-god just as the two raced by, Osiris becoming confused and slamming into the wall. **Thank you very much, Isis. Crazy man...** the falcon grumbled as he flew from her arm and landed on the head of a golden lion's statue, far out of Osiris' reach. Suddenly, the statue began to shift and turned into a real lion! **AAAHH! Oh, Sekhmet, don't scare me like that!** Horus panted as he placed a wing across his chest, as if feigning a heart attack. The tall golden lioness snorted and padded lazily towards Sebek, allowing Horus to settle on her tail, which she was holding up like a perch. **Erm, what's wrong with him? **_**We sent off the last spirit of the day. You know how he gets when they make it into the Afterlife.**_ Sekhmet, the fierce goddess of battle and the desert wind, nodded as she nudged Sebek with a paw, startling him and causing him to litterally leap up into the air, screaming and clutching the ceiling. **Oh...Hey, Sekh- AAAAHHH!** The crocodile lost his grip and fell right on Set, who had just emerged from a...hole in the ground? Sekhmet growled, a roar forming in her throat as Horus emitted a screeching sound from his beak. **Set, what do you want this time? You've already used up all the pepper we have in the Underworld!** Isis yelled from the kitchen, a plate in hand. **No, no, no, you've got it all wrong! This time, I need salt!** Set chuckled nervously. He had a tendency for using too much spice in his food, often going down to the Underworld like it was a grocery store. **NO! That falcon is MY dinner, so GET OUT!** Set immediately fell back down into the portal from whence he came, just as Osiris came charging at him. He crashed into the wall again, which caused Anubis to slam his head against a wall in frustration.** Honey, dinner's ready! And there's enough for the rest of you to eat if you want, too!**_** DINNER!**_ Osiris went charging down the hall, where sounds of him gobbling down his food could already be heard. **Glad that's over. **_**Anubis, why not join us for some dinner near the Nile? I've heard that the fish this year is fantastic.**_ _**Why not?**_ The three remaining gods opened a portal and stepped through, to finally enjoy what little moments of peace and quiet they could snatch.


End file.
